Let God fill in where we fall short

We were able to make a short getaway at the end of Spring Break to visit my grandparents.

We stayed two nights in a hotel with a pool and a hot tub, and for my children, this is a little bit of heaven.

It is for me too, but I think for different reasons. The trip wasn't long enough – it never is – but it was a chance to slow down, to step out of our day-to-day life for a little bit, and to look at my children through different eyes. Not, “Have they cleaned their rooms,” or “Are they ready for school?” But, “Wow – they are growing up so fast!” And, “They are such amazing people! I want to do this more – slow down, look them in the eyes, listen to them, be silly with them, just be with them.”

Each one of my children surprised me in some way during the weekend.

Kate loved “dancing” in the pool with Nicholas and me. She wants to learn how to swim, and she couldn't get enough of the time we spent with me holding her up the the water without her life jacket, encouraging her to kick and move her arms. But that part without the life jacket? We didn't try it until Sunday morning, just before it was time to go! And we could have stayed in there all day!

Luke took advantage of the weekend by swimming all around the pool with only his life jacket. This is a very big deal for him. Even though we spend most of our summers around lakes, every year has been a slow progression in his ability and desire to swim. So balancing with only the life jacket, and leaving the edge of the pool without a parent was a huge accomplishment, and I am so proud to see him blossom in this way!

 

Brendan kept jumping in with a big splash, and was all over the pool, and under the water. This was great to see too, because it's more proof of just how far a child can go even with only making small strides every summer! I love seeing his hard-won confidence in and enjoyment of the water!

Meghan always has been a fish. But it's still fun to see her enjoy the water, and it was great just to spend time with her. Nick merely dipped in his toes, and got swarmed by his siblings every time he came into the pool. What a gift!

Somehow, taking five children to the pool also reminded me that we do have a relatively "large" family.  And slowing down even that little bit reminded me of the day-to-day challenges of parenting multiple children, of trying to connect with each of them on a daily basis, and of how often I feel I am falling short of who I want to be for them.

I don't think I am alone in this. With as much as most people want to do for their children, I imagine even having only one child could still leave parents feeling like they are falling short!

That is when I find comfort in knowing my husband and I are not all my children have.

They have a brother, Jesus, who loves them more than we do. They have a mother, Mary, who loves them more than we do (John 19:26-27). They have a father, God, who loves them more than we do.

And, while loving our children, He gave them this family, with all of its imperfections!

Pope Benedict XVI said, “We have grown accustomed to make a clear distinction between Peter the rock and Peter the denier of Christ... But, in reality, he was at both times both of these. …. Has it not been thus throughout the history of the Church that the Pope, the successor of Peter, has been at once Petra and Skandalon – both the rock of God and a stumbling block?” (from the Magnificat on March 27, 2013.)

When I read that, I instantly thought how true that also is for parents, at least for me. I am, at various times, both a rock and a stumbling block for my children.

Fortunately, I can ask God to make up the difference. When we only had a couple small children, my husband and I visited the home of some fellow parishioners with an older, larger family, and this is what the wife shared with me that she had to do every night: ask Mary to mother her children in all the ways she either could not or did not that day. Ask God to provide for the needs in her children's hearts that, despite her best efforts, had gone unmet.

We should not hesitate to beg God for such graces.

As I was debating last year about whether or not homeschooling with a new baby would be a good choice for our family, a teacher and fellow mom at my children's co-op shared her experience that God had always met her children's needs. She said that during the year when she had twins, one child's reading suddenly “clicked.” And in some areas where she had seen her children struggle, they began to grow.

I've had other homeschoolers tell me how God answered their very specific prayers for a child to find a friend.

We can trust our God. He wants to provide for our needs.

A biography I recently read about St. Gianna Beretta Molla said that St. Gianna's mother (who gave birth to 13 children) once expressed an Italian proverb that “'Every baby is born with a loaf of bread under its arm,' that is, with the gift of life, God provides all that is necessary.” I saw this proverb come true in our lives when Luke was born with a bilateral cleft lip and palate that we hadn't expected. Family members simply put checks in the mail that helped cover unanticipated medical expenses. And grace flooded our marriage, enabling my husband and I to be patient and loving to each other during what could have been the most stressful time of our lives.

It is too much weight on any parent's shoulders to think they alone must meet all of a child's needs.    Let us do our best to serve, and love, and connect with our children each day. But also, let us not scorn assistance from those who wish to help us. Let us turn -- often -- to the heavenly family, who loves our children perfectly. And when the opportunity presents itself, let us not hesitate to dance with our children, in the pool, without life jackets!