Thank you, Grandpa

Three weeks ago, my husband's Grandfather, Wil, passed away at the age of 91.  His wife, Marian, survives him.  They were married 71 years!  They have four sons, 12 grandchildren, and 20 great-grandchildren.

I will always remember the first time I met Wil and Marian -- who I now can't imagine calling anything but Grandma and Grandpa.  They walked into my future in-law's home the day after Christmas 1998, and I instantly fell in love with their warm, welcoming personalities.

Four Generations!

 Over the years, we spent our vacations (when we just had a couple kids or less!) with Grandma and Grandpa in Florida.  We spent our New Year's Eves playing Rummicube with them, and Grandma would bring along the noisemakers.  We sometimes spent the night at their house so we could play games into the evening, and wake up to one of Grandma's delicious breakfasts, complete with fruit salad.  They were part of every Sacramental celebration, birthday, and so many other special events in our lives.

They would even babysit if I needed to do something on their part of town.  Just before Christmas, they watched Nicholas while I got a haircut.

One of my favorite memories with Grandpa and Grandma was the week before Nicholas' Baptism.  They came over for a day to help me get ready for the party.  They both cleaned, and they both took plenty of turns holding the baby.  Grandpa even vacuumed my basement.  That certainly was above the call of duty!

Grandma and Grandpa's bodies may have been aging over the years (although they seemed to do so at a slower rate than the rest of us), but their hearts never did.  There was -- and still is, with Grandma -- a youthfulness, warmth, and love in them that drew you to them, and made you grateful for each moment you got to spend together.

I call Grandma the "Baby Whisperer," because she has a way with everyone -- but with young people in particular -- of paying attention to them in a way that they know they truly have her attention. And then she thinks of creative art projects or things to do that can't help but mesmerizing them.  Even if it's just playing baby dolls, kitchen, or trucks -- how often do I truly have a chance to do that with my children in a way that lets them know they are my primary focus?  Great-Grandmothers can do that -- and she excels at it! Babies respond to it. Young children respond to it. Teenagers respond to it. Who wouldn't respond to it?

I always thought of Grandma as the one with the special way with babies, but then that day with them preparing for Nicholas' Baptism showed me that Grandpa had his own special magic as well.  Grandpa held him, and made faces at him, and really seemed to be Nicholas' favorite person that day!

Before Grandpa's funeral, I was able to put together photo boards of him spending time with all of his family members.  I couldn't help but notice how many pictures there were of him holding babies.  I also couldn't help but notice the immense smile on his face, and the intense joy that emanated from him, in every. one. of those pictures.

Yes, Grandpa loved babies too. (And as you can perhaps tell, this says a lot about a person in my book!)

There even is a story about how Grandpa came home on leave during WWII to meet his first son.  When it was time to go back, he couldn't do it.  Grandpa sat and held his son for two days -- he spent two days AWOL -- before he could bring himself to return.

He returned to his post, and he served his country honorably, but there also seems something so honorable in a new father who just can't let go of his son (temporarily, at least).  That was just an early glimpse of the love for his family that truly was a hallmark of Grandpa's life.

In his professional life, Grandpa worked hard and advanced to a level in his company held by no one else without a college degree.  He was able to retire at an early age, and enjoyed 35 years of active retirement.  He and Grandma travelled the world, and spent a lot of time in their motor home.  At one point, they had 70 friends with whom they would keep in touch from their time motor home travels.

Grandpa loved to engage strangers in conversation, and was always ready with a genuine compliment.

One additional trait for which I am greatly indebted to him is that he was an excellent builder, and that skill has continued on to my husband, who has saved us more money than I can image digging footings for a new addition, building walls to finish our basement, and even building me a beautiful bookshelf.

As I said my goodbyes to Grandpa, I knew deep in my heart that the traits I love most about my husband -- his faith, his own love of family, his integrity, his work ethic -- were modeled so beautifully in this man.  Thank you, Grandpa.

Grandpa and Grandma also taught me the secret to life -- or at least, to aging well.  Stay active, and stay involved in the lives of those you love. Care about them, serve them.  Hold babies.  Keep working hard.  Keep looking sharp :-) Read. Learn.  Engage others in conversation.  Love.

Love.

I have known Grandpa for just over 16 years, and in that time he has been such an active presence in our lives.  I love him like he was my own Grandfather.

During summers, Grandpa often was at my in-law's cottage during the times we were there.  I don't think I ever realized what an impact this had on my children. They have remarked so many times since Grandpa's death that the cottage just won't be much fun without him. Honestly, my kids spend so much time with their cousins while we are there, I didn't know they were aware of anyone else's presence. But as Brendan put it, "He just had a way of making everything fun."

So there you have it, parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, aunts, and uncles: When you are available, and when you love them, they notice, even if it seems like they don't. Your presence is a present.

Thank you, Grandpa, for yours.

Ask for faith, not certainty

While attending Mass on vacation almost two years ago, after rushing to get ready, and getting lost trying to find the church, I heard a homily that changed my perspective on discernment forever.

(Lesson: When it's hard to get to Mass, it may be one of the times you need to be there the most!  I have also found this to be true for retreats, conferences, and the like. The harder it is to get there, the more benefit I usually derive from the event.)

Nicholas and Rover

The priest told a story about someone who had worked a short time with Mother Teresa. He was trying to discern whether he was called to missions, or whether he should return home.  In which direction did God want to take his life?  He asked Mother Teresa to pray for him to clearly understand the Lord's will.

She refused.

Instead, she said she would pray for him to have an increase of faith.

A neon sign over Door A or Door B reading, "God's will this way!" may have set the man's mind at ease that he was doing the right thing, but it would hardly have required him to grow in faith and trust.  It would hardly have required him to listen attentively for that still, small voice, and then to move forward in confidence that either God was leading him, and would therefore take care of him, or that God would honor the man's desire to walk according to God's will.

I so often have fallen into the category of people praying for that neon sign.  I want to know God's will so clearly before I move forward.  But God doesn't often work that way, and I guess I am thankful He doesn't.

So much of the best parts of life come from responding to that tiny whisper with very little idea of how things will work out, but with a lot of faith that God will walk with us.  And then He does, and somehow something that seemed impossibly difficult turns into something that pours innumerable blessings into our lives.  Here I am thinking of things like welcoming a third, or fourth, or even fifth child.  For us, even when such pregnancies turned into loss and heartbreak, there also was love, and a life that continues in heaven, and hearts brought closer to our Blessed Mother as she held dear Jesus after He was taken off the cross.

There are also times in my life when I honestly can't say whether we correctly heeded God's voice.  But for those choices in which I know we were trying to listen, I can clearly see how He has provided for us.  Maybe some things turned out harder than they needed to be, or maybe that also was His intent.  He has never scoffed at us, said, "Boy, you sure got that one wrong!" and walked away.  He has always stood by our sides, and in those situations where we truly tried to be guided by His hand, He has given us particular care.

I think all of the emphasis on "choice" in today's culture reduces personal responsibility for certain natural consequences while also placing an unhealthy weight of responsibility on people who accept those natural consequences. Meaning, since you have a choice, you better make sure you make the right one, and you'd better make sure you can handle any and all difficulties that might come your way because of it.  If you want to welcome a new child into your family (especially if it is not your first or second), you are expected to be able to provide for it and your family in every possible unforeseen circumstance that could arise, or you are irresponsible.  And I have seen in quite a few comment boxes that no small amount of people also believe you'd better have a clear understanding of how you will pay for college BEFORE you get pregnant, or else you border on what can only be termed negligent.

Kate and my Dad share a birthday! This
year they turned 60 and 8!

If we cannot clearly see how we will have, not just the financial, but also the physical and emotional, reserves to welcome a new child, the world tells us we had better not even consider the idea.  No joke here -- I once read an article in a parenting magazine in which the author aborted her third child.  That this was the right choice was confirmed for her one day when she lost her temper with her other two children.  Clearly, (in her mind) this meant she could not handle another child and should definitely proceed with the abortion.  So she did.  One night, after she put her older children to bed, she took medication that caused her to miscarry her baby.

My heart broke for her and for our whole world when I read that article.  (And I've almost never picked up another parenting magazine since then.) There is such a narrowness in thinking we can only do those things that we can clearly see we are capable of -- from the perspective of our view at the starting line.  In taking God out of the equation, we remove so much of the potential for beauty contained within our lives and souls.  In removing possible hardships, we also remove potential for growth, joy, and even community.



It was so fun to call my Dad and tell him about his "present" the
morning I went into labor with Kate.  Talk about unexpected joys!

God's whisper sometimes takes us in directions we never could have imagined.  Like Mother Teresa on a train, hearing that she should serve the destitute in Calcutta.  In order for our lives to bear fruit, we also must "be not afraid" of stepping out where we think God may be calling us, even if He has not granted us 100 percent clarity.  Even if we can not see in the beginning the myriad ways in which He will provide for us and bless us.  We must have faith that when we need Him, He will be there.  He is always beside us.

In his book, "Lift Up Your Heart," Fulton Sheen writes, "Millions of favors are hanging from Heaven on silken cords -- prayer is the sword that will cut them. 'See where I stand at the door, knocking; if anyone listens to my voice and opens the door, I will come in to visit him, and take my supper with him, and he shall sup with me' (Apocalypse 3:20)."

When we listen to God and act accordingly (notice in the verse, the person hearing the knock has to actually get up and open the door) -- not when we think we hear Him, but remain immobile without multiple assurances -- He will come to us, and we will be with Him.

Ours is a God of Love!  Let us have confidence in His Love!

My Nana came home from Florida in time to celebrate with us.
Kate said her presence was the highlight of her birthday!

Sheen continues, "Many blessings and favors come to those individuals and families who put themselves wholeheartedly in the area of God's love -- their lives are in sharp contrast to those who exclude themselves from that area of love. ... The parents who trust God can tap a source of power and happiness that the other family does not make available."

Sometimes the direction in which God is calling us to move simply does not become clear.  Sometimes more than one possibility may be within His will.  Father Jacques Phillipe discusses this beautifully in his book "Searching for and Maintaining Peace: A Small Treatise on Peace of Heart."  As he said at a talk I attended, “the decisions we make (to not be) inspired by fear, or the need to protect ourselves, but out of trust.”

If God calls, let us trust He will provide the means to answer that call.  If we are uncertain about whether it is God knocking, or in which direction He would have us go, let us discern, but then let us also step forward in faith, knowing the One we are trying to follow loved us enough to die on Good Friday, and had the power to rise on Easter.  He can guide us as we go, if only we will listen!  He will care for us, if only we give Him the chance!

Let us not be afraid to open any gifts He may have in store for us!