Well, since it has been nearly a year since my last blog post, you can guess our first year of homeschooling was ... Busy! Busy, and emotional. I decided at some point that the emotions I experienced from leaving a school we did love, having relatively recently lost a baby-in-utero we loved even more, and trying so hard not to give into being overwhelmed at our new educational undertaking were just too much for me to sort out in cyberspace.
I decided to let God work at His own pace, and to be OK with the fact that, for one of the first times in my life, I just did not have words.
I also did not have the resources -- the time, energy, or mental focus -- to compose posts. My children, my husband, my faith, and my home have had to be my focus (in varying orders at different parts of the year). In January, we added a new pregnancy. This child has required more work than my other pregnancies, because I have had my progesterone monitored by the Pope Paul VI Institute, which has meant twice weekly progesterone shots, daily pills, and blood draws that get mailed out by Fed Ex every two weeks. Deciding to take on all of this extra intervention was tough, but God guided us in a very clear way, and from watching my low progesterone levels I know it was the right choice. I cannot say enough about how much I love the Pope Paul VI Institute; my experiences will have to serve as fodder for another post! Perhaps the best recommendation I can give is that we curently have a healthy, 29-1/2 week old baby boy, on track to be born around Sept. 20!
Also in January, Luke's bilateral cleft lip and palate became an issue requiring more attention than it had since he was a newborn. He's needed new ear tubes, had an infection that required twice weekly doctor visits, and also had to have a pharyngeal flap surgery June 5. Basically, they cut a flap out of the back of his throat and attached it to his palate, to stop air from escaping out his nose when he speaks. He was actually losing sounds because there wasn't enough air pressure to push them out. Luke is recovering very well; praise God! It's still difficult for me to think about the surgery, because what we did was intentionally create an airway obstruction. He snores now, at times worse than others. Thankfully, it seems like he does not have sleep apnea, which can be a complication if the flap is too big. In early October (shortly after our new baby's arrival!) we will get more testing to see if the flap is working correctly. So far, relatives have said they hear a difference; for some reason, as his mom, it's harder for me to tell.
And then there was the actual schooling. So many challenges, and so many blessings! At the beginning of the year, getting to the end seemed so daunting, and yet, week by week, we made it!
We won't, however, be homeschooling again next year. The baby is one reason, but only one reason, for this. Much prayer and discernment are behind this difficult decision. I know my heart will ache when I send all four of my children back to the Catholic school we previously attended. It hurts just to think about it. Sometimes, I guess there's no choice that doesn't hold forth pain. This seems to be the choice that brought us the most peace individually and as a couple. It seems to be the best for our family right now. But I am so thankful for our year homeschooling. I think we will see fruit from it long into the future. Most of all, homeschooling is no longer a big unknown. My perspective on education and on my role as a parent has shifted in dramatic ways. Again, there's a lot of material there for future posts!
All of this change, and health concerns, and pregnancy tiredness have left my heart feeling quiet, which is a good place for it to be right now. Actually, that is an unusual place for it to be, ever. I don't fully know what God is asking of me right now, aside from caring for these sweet children who, lately, can quite overwhelm me. And this year also has left me realizing that, right now, I am in over my head. I've had to come to peace with that feeling, and with knowing that God is walking with me in it. There is a quote from St. Jane Frances de Chantal I recently rediscovered when I finally got our desk completely cleaned off: "Hold your eyes on God and leave the doing to Him. That is all the doing you have to worry about."
He has led us though this year. He has blessed us with a new child, just when I had given up hope that such a blessing was part of His plan for us. He had blessed our marriage, helping us to grow closer through such a busy year. He blessed our homeschooling, helping our children to grow in so many ways through a year of newness and change. And He helped us find peace in accepting our limitations, and in accepting that the path I thought for so long was the one He wanted us to take, perhaps isn't, after all. He has helped quiet my heart, and He has given me peace in humility. I am so grateful.
And now I wait patiently to see where He will lead us next.
