Following Jesus and Sharing His Story

Today's Gospel reading contained two sentences that deeply touched my heart. The first was:

"You follow me" (Jn 21:22).

This is so simple and powerful. I don't need to look around at what my neighbor is doing. I don't need to worry about what others might think of me. I do need to seek my Lord with all my heart; He will be found. And where He leads—well, that is where I want to be! Yes—I choose to follow! Lord, help me to keep my eyes on You.

He may lead me to terrain I'm uncomfortable walking on. He may lead me to unfamiliar lands, or places that, at first glance, I just don't want to be. The environment may seem overwhelming, too much for my meager talents. That's when I have to remember who I am following. It is the one I love; more importantly, it is the one who loves me. He has always been faithful to me. When He calls, it is for a purpose, and He has a plan.

When He calls, the way may not be easy (it probably won't be, so don't let that dissuade you), but it will overflow with an abundance of peace that seems to completely contradict external circumstances. I have felt that this year, as I cut back on my job to homeschool my children after my son got sick. It was clearly a call from God, and now I truly am looking around me in wonder as the end of the year draws near, because we have done it (almost). So much craziness has been going on this year, but my overall internal assesment of the year is one of peace and joy (and an increased appreciation for coffee, if I'm being totally honest). God is so very, very good!

...

And for the second verse:

"There are also many other things that Jesus did, but if these were to be described individually, I do not think the whole world would contain the books that would be written" (Jn 21:25).

Today, as I read those words, I couldn't help but wonder: What if? What if the world at least tried to fill up book after book, website after website, post after post with stories of what God has done for us?

That is why this blog is named Kindness Remembered, because I want to remember the ways He has worked in my life. Even more, I want my children, and my children's children, to have the opportunity to read about a God who is so good, so powerful, so loving and wise and kind, that we placed our very lives in His hands, and He provided. More than that, He led. And He led us to places we could never have dreamed of going on our own. And He dreamed up for us a plan more brilliant than one we could have dreamed up on our own. And He gave His very life to help us achieve it. (This makes me think of Toby Mac's Me Without You.)

He is oh, so worthy of our trust.

I watched a video (here) last week about how Facebook manipulates its users. It's Facebook's founders speaking out against the very thing they created. Watching the video made me question whether I should step off of the social media platform for good, and I did cut down on my usage over the past few days.

But, something has been on my heart, and it has been growing for some time. Today is the twenty-five year anniversary of the death of my best friend from third grade through high school. I wanted to remember her in some way on Facebook, and share a way in which God helped me be able to handle the grief of losing her. (Something I shared here.)

Did I want to make myself vulnerable in this way? Did I want to feel drawn to checking Facebook again, when I have been able to step away from it? No and no.

But I felt that call—that "follow Me"—and I wondered if maybe my story could help encourage someone. Or maybe it would be good for someone to know they weren't alone in missing our friend. I didn't know the reasons (and often we never fully do); I just felt like God was asking me to step out in this way, and to share a story about God's goodness in a time of great grief in my life. It was on my heart before the reading this morning. After the reading, I felt ready to start a movement: Let's turn Facebook's equations on their heads by just filling it up with stories of God's amazing love for His children! They think we want likes and to build up our social status; what if we all just don't worry about that and instead follow Him and tell the specifics of how His love story is playing out in our lives. It's an irresistable story! It will draw people in!

Now, I'm not so sure about a movement, but I still love the idea of people sharing their stories of God's goodness. We, His people, His Church, we need to hear that we are not alone. We are not alone in our struggles, and we are not alone when we are looking for answers. He walks with us. Sometimes it's easier to believe that when we can hear about how He did that in the life of someone close to us.

I'm happy to say my Facebook post has had another positive outcome. People I love, people from an important, but now long-ago time in my life, commented about their love for my dear friend—for our dear friend—and their hurt at losing her. So you see? I am not alone in missing my dear friend, even a quarter of a century after her death. I wasn't before either, but now I know it. And there is so much strength, and grace, in both the community and in the knowing.

The Word We Long to Hear

For all the complexity of our world, and for all of the words most of us scroll through each day, looking for something to fill the hunger inside of our hearts, the words our hearts most long to hear are actually suprisingly simple:

"I love you."

"You are beautiful."

"You are forgiven."

"Well done."

Unfortunately, these are words many people do not often hear. Perhaps some never hear them.

This is one reason it is so important to turn to Scripture each day. In addition to the wisdom and guidance found there, our Lord Himself speaks to us about His immense love for us. He draws us closer to His heart—where comfort and joy abound!

This is also why it's important to come together in comunity with other Christians. God loves it when His children encourage one another! I know as a parent, there isn't much that brings me more joy than the times when my children support each other. For example, this past weekend, my five-year-old son, Nick, started flag football and was very scared. He frequently motioned from the sidelines to his fourteen-year-old brother, who then ran over to tell him he was doing a great job. That was all it took. Nick stayed in the game and even managed to have fun. 

I recently was blessed to experience the power of fellow Christians speaking Holy Spirit-inspired words into my own life. I was at a beautiful event for renewal and community for Catholics, but I was struggling with feeling locked inside some turbulent emotions that had slowly descended on me throughout the previous month (largely due to the two-year anniversary of losing our daughter Gianna at eighteen-weeks' gestation). There had been grief and hurts and exhaustion, and while I turned to the Lord in prayer, I could not find freedom from their grasp.

I actually was working at the event as a photographer, among other things. I love doing this, but it does prevent me, at times, from entering fully into all aspects of the event. One evening, however, as I approached a group of people who had just been praying over one of its members, they looked at me and said, "Can we pray for you too? You have been busy taking pictures all day! Surely you could use some prayer?"

I was thinking, "Do I ever! You have no idea of the internal struggle I am experiencing, or of how I have been pleading with God to help me let go of this"—but my initial reaction was to decline and back away to some corner in which I wouldn't have to reveal any part of my heart.

Thanks be to God, however, grace prevailed, and I accepted their kind offer. When they asked what I would like prayers for, I didn't know how to put it into words, other than to say, "There is a part of my heart that feels hardened." And they prayed that it would soften and be open to the Lord once again.

Then they placed their hands on me and began to pray. I stood there, not knowing what to expect, but hopeful that the Lord would work through these beautiful souls who were caring for me in this way. After a while, one man spoke words that the Lord had put on his heart for me: "The joy of the Lord is your strength. There is nothing wrong with you. You are beautiful. You are a blessing to so many."

Lord, thank You for this! Truly, you offer us such abundance in everything! While I just wanted to NOT feel my past hurts constricting my heart in a way that felt like I was wearing shoes that fit too tightly—so that, squirm and move about as I might, I just couldn't get comfortable—You went so much further! You removed the constriction and hardness and put in their place JOY, FREEDOM, and CONFIDENCE!

While the person who spoke those words knew nothing of the particular struggles I was facing that weekend, he spoke exactly what I needed to hear. Only God can do that.

Someone also spoke a Word from Scripture over me twenty years ago, at the first prayer event I ever attended. At that time, the words struck me with a similar power; however, their message, while also filled with love, was much different: "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear . . . he who fears is not perfected in love" (1 Jn 4:18).

At that time in my relatively young life, the death of many loved ones, most of whom also had been young, had indeed filled me with fear. And Jesus told me in that moment that He did not desire for me to be afraid. With this new message, "The joy of the Lord is your strength," I felt Him saying that I have grown, and that while the fear may not be completely gone, His joy is also there to shine through it. And that message was a joy indeed!

Our Lord loves us, and He guides us. If we allow Him, He will take us by the hand and lead us to streams of living waters. He will nourish us with His very Self. He will shape our hearts to be like His. We are free to keep our own hearts, but they are narrow, constricted, too-tight, incapable of moving in ways that will bring forth fruit and life. Jesus says, "Apart from me you can do nothing," and He means "nothing" (Jn 15:5). Nothing but hurt and ache for His healing touch, and incapable of offering that healing touch to those so very dear to us, whose hearts are searching for that same love.

Seek Him; He will be found (Mt 7:7). Make yourself vulnerable; if I had not opened myself to the prayers of others, I could not have heard His voice (Heb 4:7). He has a message He wishes to speak to each of our hearts—a custom-crafted message of love from the Lord who so carefully created each one of us. And when you find Him, share that joy with others! Speak the Word they need to hear! "For if I preach the gospel, that gives me no ground for boasting. For necessity is laid upon me. Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel!" (1 Cor 9:16)

. . . 

I can't conclude without sharing this song by Twila Paris, The Joy of the Lord is My Strength.

Remembering Jordan's Courage, Faith

Jordan's mom posted this image on her Facebook page today.

I wrote the following article in June 2009. Writing it stands out in my memory so distinctly--I was filled with joy, because that was the impact Jordan had on people. I was inspired and strengthened by her courage and grace. I only interacted with her so briefly, but she left an indelible mark on my memory and heart. 

I am sharing this story here today, because Jordan passed away on April 10. I am not familiar with all of the details of her story, but I have followed her Care Pages account, and from what I recall, she was making the most of her restored health, and absolutely loving working at a YMCA camp when she went swimming in the ocean and was exposed to bacteria that her immune system couldn't withstand. She became ill with, among other things, severe gastroparesis that prevented her from eating any food.

When my own son faced gastro-intestinal struggles over the past year, I found myself drawing strength from Jordan's own courage and honesty about even the lows. She wanted to be allowed time to process disheartening news, but assured readers that she would pick herself back up. I found this such a refreshing reflection of what I found myself needing and wanting as we faced our own ups and downs. (Which thankfully, are now mostly ups.)

I felt I needed to post this story now so that I can share it on Facebook for Jordan's friends and family, simply out of my great respect and gratitude for her beautiful life.

Eternal rest grant unto her O Lord

and let perpetual light shine upon her.

May she rest in peace, Amen.

May her soul and the souls of all the faithful departed,

through the mercy of God, rest in peace.

Amen.

Now here is the article from The Catholic Times . . . 

. . . 

June 2009

Jordan Keen has learned to deal with pain. She’s also learned to turn suffering, humiliation, and sacrifice into forgiveness, joy, and healing.

In January 2004, the 12-year-old Dexter student sprained her knee while skiing with her family. Doctors believed Jordan, a member of St. Joseph Church, would be off crutches within three weeks.

But two-and-a-half years later, she was still on them. During that time, Jordan experienced intense pain; ridicule from classmates whose disbelief in th severity of her injury led some of them to kick her knee to see if it really hurt; and even chastisement from one doctor who responded to her swollen, bruised knee by saying, “I’m an orthopedic doctor. I don’t cure mental diseases.”

Jordan had visited over 20 doctors in an attempt to find relief from her pain. To meet with these words devastated the young girl. “I’m supposed to be able to put my trust in you,” she said. “And you crush me!”

Jordan also struggled with losing her sense of identity. She was an athlete with a high pain tolerance and a “you fall, you get up, you go” mentality. Jordan’s inability to bounce back from this injury left her “stripped of everything (she) loved to do that made (her) happy,” she said. “It’s unbelievable what happens when you have to surrender.”

As a result, Jordan also grew angry with God and couldn’t believe He cared about her.

“If a chaplain or priest would come to visit me in the hospital, I would say, ‘Get out!’” Jordan said. “I didn’t want God.”

The Keen family’s quest for answers finally led to the Cleveland Clinic, where it took Dr. Michael Stanton-Hicks about 15 minutes to diagnose Jordan with Reflexive Sympathetic Disease (RSD). RSD is a disease that affects the sympathetic nervous system and is characterized by chronic, severe pain.

“That’s a mouthful to hear when you’re an eighth grader,” said Jordan. “It was a little overwhelming for me. But he knew it was real. There was hope. He took time to explain—here’s the disease, but I’m going to help you through it.”

And he did. After one year of treatment, in June 2006, Jordan’s RSD went into remission. A year later, Jordan attended a medical school camp. Unfortunately, while at camp, Jordan and a group of girls with whom she shared some nachos all got very sick. Jordan was the only one who didn’t get better.

“Any time after that, when I ate, I would be in immense pain,” Jordan said. “We went from doctor to doctor, not connecting it to the RSD. In December, I was diagnosed with pancreatitis. I was at Mott Hospital for a month and a half before they sent me to the Cleveland Clinic.”

Once Jordan got to the Cleveland Clinic, Dr. Stanton-Hicks confirmed that her new symptoms were from the RSD. He recommended a temporary spinal cord stimulator that cost Jordan’s family $45,000, because the insurance would not cover it.”

The spinal cord stimulator “changes your pain signals—it’s an amazing sensation,” said Jordan. “Anywhere there’s pain feels like a Jacuzzi.”

Unfortunately, when the temporary stimulator had to be removed after eight weeks, Jordan’s pain returned. The insurance company decided the $75,000 for a permanent stimulator was “medically unnecessary,” and Jordan’s family could not bear the weight of that cost alone.

From April through September of 2008, Jordan’s disease got considerably worse.

“It spread from my stomach,” said Jordan. “My leg was puffy and red and then my arm. I eventually lost all of the ability to walk and most of the ability to use my hands and arms. Even water from the shower was painful, and I couldn’t use sheets at night. I experienced extreme temperature changes.”

Jordan spent time at a hospital in Chicago, where the doctors tried to control her pain with “a lot of drugs and physical therapy,” said Jordan. “There were days I would wake up and not remember my name, or that I was supposed to brush my teeth. That’s a lot of adult world for a 15, 16, 17 year old.”

Jordan’s second bout with RSD also cost her the ability to attend school—she simply didn’t have the strength to make it through the day. Her mother, Sue, left her job as a fifth-grade teacher at St. Mary School in Pinckney to care for Jordan and to teach her.

However, Jordan’s response to these struggles differed considerably from her first bout with RSD. “The second time, the problems with my faith were easier to handle,” she said. “The first time, I lost everything, including my faith. I didn’t see God working in my life at all.”

During Jordan’s second struggle with RSD, she said, “I looked at all the work God did in my life after the first flare. It was a catalyst for personal growth and for my faith. I knew God had a plan for this, so it would be better in the end.”

Jordan said her increased faith was a gradual change prompted by her youth group leaders “showing (her) the way God is.” Jordan had continued to attend youth group activities even when she struggled with her faith. “One of our youth group leaders was misdiagnosed with RSD,” said Jordan. “She became my person to turn to. She would say, ‘I understand this kid or this person said (something hurtful). But what did you do? Did you run away from it?’ Then we went on a winter retreat and it all came together. That weekend was like—‘Wow!’ To hear other teens’ stories of struggle and to see their energy for Christ despite their daily challenges made me see what I was missing in my life. That weekend was a turning point for my faith.”

Instead of asking visiting chaplains and priests to leave her hospital room, as she did during her first bout with RSD, Jordan now received daily Eucharist, loved talking with chaplains and priests and eagerly read the Bible, particularly the story of Job.

“There are so many places in the Bible where they talk about how suffering is so much more than this place of pain or sorrow,” said Jordan. “You can be mad at God all you want and it’s not going to change the way He loves you. God doesn’t abandon you. That took a long time to figure out—that it’s OK to be mad at God.

“He knows what’s going on. He knows it’s hard for me. But He also knows what it’s like to suffer. Jesus also was teased. I realized, ‘Wow, look at what He did with His suffering and look at what He turned it into.’ It made me ask, ‘What can I do with my suffering?’”

Jordan discovered at least part of the answer to that question when a family friend, who works at a hospital, felt compelled to begin a discussion with a distraught couple in line at the cafeteria. It turned out the couple’s daughter also had RSD. The friend put them in contact with Jordan and what came next was an RSD support group that, after two years, has 17 members from a three-county area. Jordan also started an organization called RSD in Motion that aims to educate both medical professionals and the public about RSD and to let people suffering with RSD know they are not alone.

“I know that if it wasn’t God’s plan, He wouldn’t have ignited such passion in my heart to create change,” Jordan said of her decision to start RSD in Motion. “It’s fulfilling to hear someone tell me how much easier it is to deal with the disease because they know they aren’t alone.

“It’s a cool experience to look kids like me in the eye and say, ‘I understand.’ I have a doctor in my life with RSD (who says), ‘Look what’s possible.’ That doctor makes me feel like my dreams are possible. Even though you have a day with pain, it doesn’t mean you have to have a day that’s horrible.”

Meanwhile, Jordan’s family turned to fundraising to finance Jordan’s permanent spinal-cord stimulator. In October, a spaghetti dinner held at St. Mary Church in Pinckney raised $18,000—enough for a down payment on the stimulator.

As a result of the dinner, Jordan was able to have her stimulator implanted in December. By mid-January, Jordan said she was “feeling great.” One month later, she received her driver’s license. She returned to classes at Dexter High School in March. Although Jordan was able to keep up with her studies at home, those credits are not easily transferrable, and so Jordan did not graduate with her class this spring. In addition, returning to school meant facing students who were unkind to her while she struggled with her injury. She has chosen to respond to these people with forgiveness.

“What other choice do you have (but to forgive)?” Jordan said. “Hold on to frustration and regret? It makes it more difficult when you don’t forgive them. I choose to forgive because it is easier to let it go than to hold on to it. It’s amazing to see how many teasers showed up at my spaghetti dinner. I had people who hadn’t wanted to be my friend say, ‘Sorry I messed up. Can we grow from each other?’ The world needs to be able to look at each other and grow—‘You’re different from me, but I still like you as a person. It’s OK that you’re different.’”

Jordan now enjoys spending time with her family.

“We eat dinner as a family pretty much every night,” Jordan said. “But (with RSD) the smell of food made me nauseous, so I’d be in my room watching TV instead. Now it’s nice to have a normal schedule instead of wondering, ‘What am I going to fill my day with?’ It’s a nice change of pace for me. I wouldn’t do it again if I had a choice, but if that’s in the plan, it’s OK.”

Discovering Gifts in Suffering

Image Credit

A desire to begin regularly blogging again has very much been on my heart throughout the past month. Our son who was experiencing so much pain a year ago has—praise God!—healed so much. Walking with the Lord through the pain, the unknowns, the detachment, the trust, and even the freedom He showed me in the past year has left me with so much I want to write about! But it also has left me with a very full plate and little time to pursue what is on my heart in that respect. As I have been pondering how to try to jump back in, so to speak, it occurred to me that perhaps I could share something I wrote for work, something I felt so blessed to write. It came in response to someone who reached out to us with a question: Can suffering be a gift? Yes, yes, yes. 

What I find so beautiful about his question is how—simply by reaching out with an honest question on his heart, by being vulnerable—this man touched my heart so greatly by allowing me to write this. And as we heard from people who also were grateful for his question, I realized that he had allowed them to find strength as well. There is so much strength in humility. In our humility, we may often feel alone, but we never truly are. Look at how our Lord wore a crown of thorns, and how even He allowed Veronica, Mary, and Simon of Cyrene to help Him carry His unfathomable burden.

We should not fear suffering, because the Lord meets us there. There is richness in suffering. And, let us never forget, there is also the resurrection.

To anyone who may read this, may God bless you and strengthen you in whatever suffering you may be facing.

Below is my response to the man's question. It links back to the blog post in which this originally appeared.

...

We recently received the following question. One of our staff members offered to respond to it, and we thought it would be of interest and help to our supporters. This answer originally appeared in the July 2017 Renewal Ministries’ newsletter.

Q: I recently received a word that “suffering is a gift.” Please discern this for me. I think it’s true but it scares me a little. I’ve always prayed for less suffering.

A: Yes, suffering is a gift. A difficult one to receive, but one that can yield great fruit in our lives, if we unite it to Jesus and walk the road of suffering with Him.

If we face our suffering without the Lord—if it does not bring us to the point of seeing our true dependence on Him—then it will not bear the same fruit. It would still be a gift, but it would be one we were not willing to accept and let make us more like Him.

It’s understandable that suffering scares you. But when you seek Him in your suffering, and when you can try to see His goodness, even in life’s sorrow, you can begin to see how He is bigger than even our worst hurts, how He pours His very heart into our brokenness and pain, and how He never leaves us alone, but does indeed carry us. When you are suffering, there are days when Scripture will be no more than words on a page. But if you continue to turn to those Words each day, you will find comfort in them. You walk through one trial with Him, and you see His faithfulness. Then, when the next trial comes, you will have less fear and more trust. And slowly, when you see His faithfulness time and time again in the struggles life inevitably brings, trust will replace the fear in your heart. Try praying the words on the Divine Mercy image: “Jesus, I trust in You!” Add to it: “Help me to trust more!” And He will.

Continue reading here.