When you fall...

I perused some old posts while writing this today.  It seems this is not the first time I have written about this topic.  But, as I feel I am probably not alone in falling more than once in this particular area, I will share this post anyway, with the hope that it can help encourage other imperfect mothers like me.  After all, as Jesus Himself said, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick." (Matt 9:12)

Have you ever had a morning like this? I woke up late.  My daughter's uniform needed to go in the drier before she could get dressed.  I haven't been feeling very well.  And my children were much more interested in reading their books than in eating their breakfast.

So I started yelling.  I sent them off to school with a blessing on their foreheads that couldn't have seemed very heart-felt, as it was accompanied by angry words in their ears.

I got home and collapsed to my knees.  I prayed for forgiveness, and fervently wished I could somehow run back to the school, and grab my kids, and give them the hugs they deserve.  And even if they don't deserve them, I want to hug them anyway.  That's the grace God pours out to me; that's the grace I want to have overflowing onto them as well.

I thank God we have a faith that tells us when we earnestly seek forgiveness, it will be given.  Even if we don't feel like we deserve it.  Even if the Devil continues to whisper into our ears that we should just curl up in a ball and give up; what was God thinking when He gave us this job of shaping souls?

I have slowly learned over the years: Don't listen to the whispers.  Trust God.  He does not make mistakes.  You are part of His perfect plan.  If saying you're sorry, seeking reconciliation, and picking yourself up to try again seems simple, that's because it is.  God, for all of His mystery, also is simple, in the most beautiful way.

If saying you're sorry, seeking reconciliation, and picking yourself up to try again seems easy, try it.  There's something very humbling about letting go of whatever wrongs may or may not have been done to incite our poor behavior, and about putting our mistakes behind us, and trying to move forward, asking God to help heal the hurt we have caused.  Holding on to the pain and frustration enables us to keep the focus on ourselves and our anguish -- maybe that's why it often seems the easier, although more painful, route to take.

Two hours have passed since the morning I wish I could take back.   I'm still contemplating running some kind of lunchtime treat up to the school with a note telling my kids how much I love them.  But I also have hope.  In fact, shortly after praying for forgiveness, I came across two very beautiful messages.  I want to share them here, in the hope that they will bring encouragement to someone else as well.

First, this post at Amongst Lovely Things.  Sarah speaks so eloquently about how parenting is a job we can't do well on our own.  We can only bring our "couple loaves of bread and a few stinky fish," to the table, but God can transform that into something beautiful.  Something eternal.

And these words from Pope Francis, shared by Teresa Tomeo on Ave Maria Radio: "You don't need to call the United Nations to your home to make peace: a small gesture is enough, a caress, and tomorrow is a new day."

It's like Mother Teresa says, "Do small things with great love."  The small things I do, with love, for my family can and do matter.  I pray they, multiplied by God's grace, can and will bring healing to the times and places in which I fall short.

And, thankfully, tomorrow is a new day.  A new day in which I will be sure to set my alarm, so our morning can move at a more relaxed pace!  And if we are late anyway -- a new day in which I will try to at least bring peace to my children, if not punctuality.

My yelling this morning does not have to be the end of the story.  For that, we have Christ's love for us, His death and resurrection that make all things new. (Rev 21:5)