The reasons behind our decision are many, and personal, but they all have to do with meeting her needs at this time, and not with any dissatisfaction with her current environment.
Much prayer and attempts at discernment have gone into this decision. Now that it has been made, there is more peace in my heart, and I am looking forward to moving forward.
In the past, I was so concerned about making the right choice, it was like there was a vice-grip on my heart. Fear ruled, not peace. Yes, I wanted to please God, but I didn't trust the full extent of His love for me. I didn't understand that He doesn't abandon us. Ever. And especially not when we make what is perhaps a wrong choice while doing our best to seek His will. He knows our hearts. And that means more to Him than whether or not we follow some perfect "plan" He has mapped out for us. In fact, He gave us free will, and He delights in us using it in ways meant to honor Him.
This prayer, by Thomas Merton, sums up how I often feel when making big decisions. It's OK to not always get everything perfectly right. That's how we truly live; that freedom is where we can find peace, and joy.
“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.”
While I was online, searching for the above quote, I came across what is perhaps the most beautiful writing on discernment I have ever seen. I wish I would have found it years ago, but perhaps I wouldn't have fully appreciated its wisdom at that time. It is by Peter Kreeft, whose writing I have heard recommended for everyone interested in their faith, but particularly for high school- and college-aged youth and the particular questions they face. Anyone with a child in that age group, asking questions about their faith (and who isn't at that age?), would probably benefit from looking into more of Kreeft's writings. His website with the article on discernment is here. I think discernment definitely is a universal question!
Here is a small taste of what you will find in Kreeft's article: "Discernment itself should not be a stiff, brittle, anxious thing, but—since it too is part of God's will for our lives—loving and joyful and peace-filled, more like a game than a war, more like writing love letters than taking final exams."
How many of us, when faced with big decisions, approach it "more like writing love letters than taking final exams"? But yet, if we grasp even a small amount of the love and care there is for us in the heart of the One who came to earth as a small babe in a manger -- if we understand we do not make these decisions alone, but He walks with us, and will continue to, wherever that road may lead us -- maybe the process could be more like writing a love letter. This is a relationship in which even our mistakes can lead us closer to Him.
I am nursing a baby while writing this, and I can tell you that God came as a baby because He wanted to tell us something about the relationship He wants to have with us. He doesn't stand above us, waiting to strike us down. He desires to be near us, nestled close to our hearts, sharing in our smiles, multiplying our joy, filling us with warmth and peace.
May God bless you, and all of your decisions, this Christmas and in the new year.
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