But what about the times we fail? It's
one thing to understand how we should act toward our children and
another to maintain that calm when they're having a meltdown, or not
listening (again!), or behaving in a way that breaks your heart. Add
onto that flu season, perhaps a lack of sleep, or just frustration
with something completely unrelated to children, and the chances are,
we're going to make mistakes. Sometimes, we don't even need any
“good” reasons; we just fall.
God always gives us the grace to avoid
these stumbles (1Cor 10:13). But the fact remains, we are human, and
there will be times we miss the opportunity to grab on to the grace
He extends.
What do we do then?
I have found myself wanting to curl up
in a ball, acknowledge the fact that I am unfit to be a mother, and
suggest they find someone, anyone, who could surely do a better job
at this than me. I love my husband and children so much; sometimes
what I want for them seems like more than I have to give.
And, I am right. Without God's help,
what they need is more than I have to give. But with God,
“all things are possible” (Mat 19:26). There is a line in a song
by Marie Bellet that speaks to the heart of this matter: “Without
you, I am a clanging, nagging noise. Oh, but with You, I'll raise
girls and boys” (1 Cor 13:1). Oh, how I desire to raise beautiful,
Godly young men and women!
A good place to begin (when we're
trying not to fall) is by putting on the armor of God (Eph. 6). Have
I spent time reading the Bible – even if it's just a verse to try
to carry with me through the day? Have I prayed for my husband, my
children, myself? (I know some women find their morning shower is a
great, quiet opportunity to pray!) Can I find five minutes a day to
sit quietly with God, to share with Him my heart, and to listen in
case there's anything He wants to speak to me in return? And, for Catholics, the gift of Confession is priceless!
Aside from that, the best thing we can
do when we fall is to pick ourselves back up. We need to extend to
ourselves at least some of the grace God is always eager to extend to
us when we are truly sorry (1John 1:9).
Have you ever found beating yourself up
after a mistake helps you be more kind and gentle with those around
you? I haven't. Instead, a black cloud seems to descend on our home
for the entire day, or until I can recollect myself enough to cry
out, “Help, Jesus! I am sorry! Please help!”
In “Searching for and MaintainingPeace,” Father Jacques Phillipe discusses how to respond after we
fall. The most important thing is to try to maintain your peace of
heart, he writes, because “God acts in the peace of one's soul.”
He explains,
“What is more pleasing
to God? Is it when, after experiencing a failure, we are discouraged
and tormented, or when we react by saying: 'Lord, I ask your pardon,
I have sinned again. This, alas, is what I am capable of doing on my
own! But I abandon myself with confidence to Your mercy and your
pardon, I thank You for not allowing me to sin even more grievously.
I abandon myself to You with confidence because I know that one day
You will heal me completely and, in the meantime, I ask that the
experience of my misery would cause me to be more humble, more
considerate of others, more conscious that I can do nothing by
myself, but that I must rely solely on Your love and Your mercy.'”
What a relief to know that God knows us
better than we know ourselves! He knows our weaknesses and our
strengths, and doesn't need our perfection to lead both our children
and ourselves closer to Him.
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