I used to hate that phrase. It seemed so selfish: Keep me happy, or you all will suffer!
But now I know -- it's true. It may be possible that truer words never were spoken about family life!
Not for my original understanding of the phrase, but for a deeper truth (one that sees past the terrible grammar) that understands just how important a mother's role is within a family.
St. Edith Stein said: “Woman’s soul must be magnanimous, open, quiet, warm, clear, self-contained, empty of self, mistress over itself and body. This is the ideal for woman’s soul. To win children for heaven is genuine maternity: it is the most exalted vocation for all women.”
What a huge responsibility! Let's break it down into some real-life snapshots:
When we all oversleep, and I can look past the fact that the kids won't get to school on time, that one kid has mismatched socks, and another really should change into a cleaner pair of pants -- when I can focus instead on the peace, joy, and love I want them to carry into their day -- everyone wins.
When one, or more of my children is struggling in some way, and lashes out at their siblings, or even at my husband or I, and I can keep my peace, calm usually gets restored much more quickly. When I lose my temper in return, suddenly whatever is happening in our home is no longer about dealing with a child's misbehavior. Suddenly, it becomes all about me.
I struggle with this. My more expressive emotions, which are such a gift when it comes to letting my family know I love them, threaten to overtake me as well when I am experiencing a deep sadness, or anger, or other difficulty.
If I am worried about something unrelated to my children, they are the ones most likely to suffer as a result.
I say I am sorry -- I am not afraid to apologize to my children, or to God. I have learned to repent, to pick myself up, and to try again. I have found being too hard on myself (something I struggle to fight against) only leads me to get more angry, because it's hard to share true kindness with your children while you are feeling like you are unworthy of them. That thinking is not from God, and so when we are feeling that way, it becomes nearly impossible to share His gifts.
So how do we keep "Mama happy?" When four hungry -- physically and emotionally -- children walk in the door at the end of the school day, and the baby decides now would be a good time to get some food and attention too, how do we respond with peace, with love?
When our heart is in knots because of some weighty issue we can't share with our children, how do we not let that taint our time with them?
I am still figuring this out; it may be one of my biggest struggles. But I think the answer may be found, at least in part, in the verse: "Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks." (Matt 12:33-35; also see Luke 6:45)
When we know we are loved, it is easier to love. If we do not know that, we must start by reading God's word, by making quiet time in our day to let our hearts absorb its Truth, and to just be with God. We must ask Him to help us know His love for us. We must ask Him to help us understand why we respond in the way we do. And we must ask Him to please, please show us how He wants to help us in situations that bring our weaknesses to the forefront.
And then, we wait. We trust. We hope. And during the times when it seems impossible to do any of those things, we cling to the hem of His robes in prayer and beg for mercy, forgiveness, healing (Matt 9:20). He will hear us. He does not disappoint (Rom 5:5)
God knew what He was doing when He made us, so somehow, some way, even our weaknesses can lead us to the Lord -- will lead us to Him -- if we place ourselves entirely in His hands (2 Cor 12:9).
And trust, trust, trust.
Every day, every time I go down my stairs, I see a picture of the Divine Mercy -- Jesus' blood, and water, pouring out for us -- and repeat the words at the bottom: "Jesus, I trust in You." And so often, I need to add: "Help me trust more."
That is what truly makes for a "happy Mama": trust and faith in a Loving God. A quiet heart willing to let Him work. A generous heart eager to share its gifts. A humble heart willing to acknowledge its strength alone is not enough, and willing to seek forgiveness (and to accept it) when it fails.
Listen to God. There is something He wants to speak to your heart today. Seek silence. If we cannot have it externally, we must ask God to help us find it internally. Mother Teresa said, "We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature -- trees, flowers, grass -- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls."
Touching souls is the work of motherhood. A mother who knows this and, with God's grace, is living this, will be the happiest of all.
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