Living with your hands full

"You've got your hands full!"

 

How many times have I heard those words? This morning, they came from a runner heading in the opposite direction of me.  Well, of me, Brendan, Luke, Nicholas, and our dog Rover.

 

It was so fun to exercise together! I am so proud of my boys!

The run is the first of what becomes hopefully many "Mommy and Brendan" mornings this summer.  It stemmed from Brendan coming home from school one day, talking excitedly about what fifth grade is going to be like.

 

It was like I had a new son.  It was so fun to hear him energized about the challenges ahead.

 

One thing he's looking forward to is running cross country in the Spring.  Another is the homework ... yes, homework ... he is being asked to do over the summer.

 

He asked if we could go for runs together during summer break, in the mornings.  Then he added, "And when we get back, I can do my homework!"

 

Um, OK.  What mom would argue with that?

 

Last night he reminded me about our morning runs.  "Maybe we could start tomorrow?"

 

Yes, definitely!  Some things you just have to make happen! Plus, at eight months postpartum, I am more than ready to get moving again!

 

We started later than planned this morning, but we did finally get out the door.  And as I suspected, we didn't make it out alone.  Fortunately, Brendan usually agrees with the saying, "The more, the merrier!"

 

My kids entertained themselves for a long time yesterday
on this 10-yeard pile of mulch in our driveway!

 

All I felt as we headed down the road, after doing a "Go Mommy and her boys!" shout-out, was joy. There was nothing else I could imagine wanting to do on this summery, Saturday morning.

 

To make the moment perfect, Nick kicked his feet in the air and squealed out from the stroller  something that sounded very much like, "Yee-ha!" as we started speeding down the road.

 

So when we passed the runner who commented on my hands being full, all I could think was, "Yes." And, "Thank God." How else would I want them to be?

 

Having full hands does mean making sacrifices.  These days, my house is always messier than I would like it to be.  And we actually started summer vacation with my oldest daughter missing the last day of school, being diagnosed with strep (again) and a peritonsillar abscess, learning she may need to have her tonsils removed soon, and taking Luke to a sleep study due to complications from surgery he had last summer.  While I am trying to think a lot these days about how to have "More Jesus" in our lives, I often find it difficult to complete a thought!

 

My Mother-In-Law calls Brendan
a "Baby Hog."  Can you see why?
He loves holding Nicholas!

I think what I need to be asking God for in my quiet moments is that He guide the words I speak outside of prayer.  Like when my daughter is crying after a doctor's appointment, "Am I going to die from surgery?"  How do I reassure her God still loves her?

 

Or when I ask the kids to help clean the kitchen and someone asks, "Is this going to be a working summer?" There's one answer that captures my frustration with that comment, and another answer that tries to teach with love.  Which one will I choose?  More often than I would like, I choose the first.

 

And instead of the peaceful nook I would pick for myself, I'm writing this post in a karate gym, with shouts and kicks and music filling the air.  But then, every time Brendan finishes a whirlwind of punches, rolls, and kicks, he runs in my direction for a super-stylized fist bump with a smile that lights up his face. And again, there's joy.

 

So yes, my hands are full.  In fact, I don't really know how we can do it all, and am seriously looking at what we can cut out to make more time for each other, and for the Lord.

 

But here's what I considered every time we contemplated adding another child to our family, when our other children, our marriage, our work, and our lives already seemed to claim to so much of our time: Never underestimate God.

If our hands are full because we have said "Yes" to Him, He can help our hands also overflow with grace.  I always felt there were two things I never wanted to miss out on: a new person God might want to add to our family when it seemed we were being called to be open to the possibility, and the opportunity to trust God, and to see Him work in our lives, and to help us grow, in ways we couldn't have imagined.  And you know what? He has never ceased to amaze me.

 

It comes at a cost -- but the value of all those things we leave behind pales in comparison to what we gain.

 

"Where your treasure is, there also you heart will be." (Lk 12:34)

 

That is a statue of Our Lady of Guadalupe behind the flowers.

My treasure, my heart, my time, is wrapped up in guiding these other hearts of inestimable worth.

 

Sometimes it seems I cannot stand one more cry of "Mommy!" But then, if I let go of a little bit of myself, and grab on to a little bit more of Him, it all turns out OK.

 

More than OK.  It becomes a moment of beauty, of building something for eternity.

 

And none of it would be possible without full hands.